Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Wednesday Ramblings

Hello! I haven't forgotten my blog! I'm just trying to get into a schedule now. I love my job.  It's TOTALLY different than what I was coming from. And I mean that in a positive way. It's a bit overwhelming because it's new but I am very excited. I'm just taking it all in. 

So? You want to know what I am doing? Well, without getting fancy about it, I am working out of a centralized recruiting office for a major corporation, doing phone screenings trying to fill positions in any of their many hundreds of store locations throughout the country. It's a bit nerve-wracking being on the phone all the time and having everyone listen to me. It's funny, because I used to (well…still do slightly..) have such phone anxiety. I'm getting passed that, realizing that the people on the other end are no different than me. Sears helped me in a lot of way break out of my shell and not be so anxious phone and face to face. This job I'm sure will teach me something too. I have no doubts about that. Nervous, but very excited to see what this new chapter has in store for me.

So, last weekend, my oldest sister and I drove down to Maryland to visit my mom and two brothers. My sister that lives out in California flew out too…the trip was actually her idea. It was such a great time seeing everyone. And we were without children so we had such a blast. I have never laughed so hard in my life. The weekend consisted of dirty jokes and so much laughter. We all got a good ab workout. Here are a couple pictures from the trip.

Knowing my brothers wife doesn't have many friends where my brother is currently working my sister thought it would be a great idea to throw a baby shower for her. It was just a small thing but it was a lot of fun and she appreciated it.

This picture is of the 5 of us together. Us three girls are jealous of our baby brother (with the long hair) because us 3 girls have thin lifeless hair but not him, he has thick, gorgeous wavy hair. Why does it always work out like that?

We got home Sunday night around six. And it was off to work the next morning….then my car broke as I was dropping Jake off at school. I thought it was the transmission because I heard a big clunk, what sounded as if I was driving over gravel, then it just stopped. I shut the car off then turned it back on, put it into drive, heard a really annoying screeching, stepped on the gas, and I didn't move. I seriously cried & and said a few choice words to myself  -- It was my 3rd day on this job. Ugh. I felt like such an idiot calling up my boss. The last thing I want to be is "that person". I don't call in for anything. When I was pregnant with my son I worked up until the night I gave birth. My boss thought I was nuts and kept asking if I was okay. lol. They've sent me home a few times for being sick and looking close to death... I'm even thinking about paying for before school care because I feel like I'm rushing to get to work for my scheduled time…I'm usually on time (except today…hit traffic because I forgot my purse at home & had to turn back..) and I'm one of those 'get there a 1/2 hour early type of people.'  Now I am rambling…but my car is fixed now. Turns out the front axle snapped..thankfully it wasn't the transmission.  I *tried* not to stress out about it….

Some days I wake up and want to pinch myself because my life is so good right now. When my car broke down yesterday, I quickly cleared out any negative thoughts and had faith that things would work out as they are supposed to. And they did.  The dealership was more than accommodating, a kind stranger offered me coffee and shelter from the cold and just talked with me while I waited for a tow - so good can happen and that is where I am right now.  After 10 years of mostly crud…with a few good moments sprinkled here and there, I am really happy where I am right now. I'm still learning and growing, but hitting rock bottom  was probably the best thing that ever happened to me. Is that weird? Lol.

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Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Just Some Ramblings & a peek of what I'm working on

So my first day is over.  I was a bit quieter/shy than I expected to be but the environment is so different than from what I am coming from so it was a lot to take in. I was excited to be there, but I was completely overwhelmed and  needed to just listen and take it all in. Now that I know what to expect, Today will be a better day.

 I'm not really going to talk too much about my job yet. I'll do that when I get more in to it and am more confident a.k.a actually knowing what the hell I am doing. lol.. And I am sure I will create a scrapbook page or two about it -- You know me I scrapbook everything, so I'll let you know in due time! The biggest things I have to get used to are the environment - it's so different (in a good way) and the fact that I am trusted and thought of as competent enough to make a choice.

Where I am coming from, choices weren't yours. Even though I had access to certain systems I was always questioned as to what my motives were and why I was accessing them, not only me, but everyone else that didn't have the title "manager"….Um…to find You people? This is my job, right? There was a lot of fear and a lot of micromanaging. Not even that, there were just a lot of different things.

I could sit here and tell you stories but most of them are so off the wall they are unbelievable. You kind of had to work there to understand. Most people didn't last long, because it was just so weird.  Most people thought I was crazy for staying there for as long as I did but I take it in stride. I have learned so much both work wise and personally. I think if I can work there, I can work anywhere.  I've also met a lot of great people who have certainly impacted my life on some kind of level. I wouldn't change it for anything.

 I don't have much to share today other than a few ramblings but here is a peek at the album I am working on.

I hope you all have a great Wednesday!

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Sunday, October 12, 2014

Productive & Ultra Creative

Today was a great day. Usually my Sundays are filled with work until 7:00pm, not today though. It was so nice to actually lounge around in my pajamas - which aren't really pajamas, but that doesn't matter anyway…. - and enjoy the day.  It started off with me making nice breakfast for Jacob and I.


Breakfast is my favorite meal of the day but most mornings consist of cereal or something else that is quick. Today I made fresh hash browns, and omelets with onions, peppers, cheese, tomatoes and peppers. Served with some coffee…Mmmm. Hash browns are super easy to make. I don't even bother buying them frozen anymore. All you do is peel a potato, shred the potato, rinse it under cold water, squeeze all the water out then fry them up in a skillet with some olive oil. So good and super easy.

The only thing that would have would have made breakfast better was if I had the Sunday paper to read. I didn't feel like driving to get one though.

Jacob and I listened to music most of the morning and had our own little dance party before he headed outside to play with his friends. While he was outside I worked on  my most recent digital kit. Then he came in for lunch. Still feeling creative but wanting to step away from the computer I worked on my art journal. 

While I was waiting for that to dry before moving onto the next page, I started working on mini album that I will be sharing in a few weeks. You can kind of see it in this picture below. I'm usually a very organized person except when I am being creative. When my desk looks like this it's a sign that I am having a very creative day.

I just did some normal stuff around my apartment..clean, laundry…you all know - the fun stuff {sarcasm} . Then I did a little schoolwork and studied and marked off my notes and books for my midterm on Wednesday.

Then it was time to make dinner. Tonight I was in the mood for crappy comfort food, since I've been eating so healthy lately so I made Ritz casserole from scratch…no canned soup…which I will be sharing that recipe eventually. After dinner we watched some TV then Jacob attempted to do an exercise video with me. It was hilarious watching him do some of the moves. Now that I think about it, he probably thought it was hilarious to watch me.

Then it was on to bed for him and some free time for me. I'd say my day was pretty productive. I got a lot of creating done and would like to do some more but I need to do some reading…both schoolwork and blog reading. :-)

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Saturday, October 11, 2014

One door closed. Another Open.

It has not even been 24hours and I feel very strange not working today. Last night was my last day. 14 years is a long time and now, it's officially over.  I worked alone last night which was unexpected since there is usually at least two of us there at all times. My coworker from the office stopped by on her day off to say bye and wish me luck. She brought me flowers. That was very nice of her and much appreciated.

I'm good at a lot of things, but arranging flowers is not my specialty. They look much better in person.

 I had been given hugs throughout the week by majority of co-workers but I did get to chat with a few more coworkers before leaving for the night. Besides all the hugs and well wishes on this new chapter, it felt like any other night. It went by pretty uneventfully. I had mixed feelings about it but in the end I am grateful for the experience and all the things I've learned but my decision to leave I know is the right choice.

Now I'm home for the weekend, anticipating Tuesday. My life is going through so many great changes and it's hard not to be anything but excited about them. As I mentioned in a previous post, I feel like it's finally okay to be myself. I feel like I am in a good place and I know that it is only going to get better from this point forward. I have no doubt in my mind that this new job will be another great learning experience and I am excited to start and continue and see what else this chapter has in store for me.

So, what else have I been up to? Hmm…school. I'm finally up to date with all my work but now I'm questioning and looking through all my stuff because I feel like I am forgetting to do something. I don't think so, but if I am I'll probably remember hours before it's due.

I did some spring cleaning…err…fall cleaning. I cleaned out my closet and got rid of all my 'fat' clothes. I filled up a 33 gallon trash bag full! It felt so good to get rid of everything. Now I need a shopping spree because there isn't much left!

I also started working on a new digital kit which I'm sure I will give you a peek of at a later date.

Jacob and I have been playing construction & air hockey all week.  Air hockey I don't mind but construction…boring…don't tell him that though. Lol

I think that's it. What have you been up to lately?

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Monday, October 6, 2014

Monday Ramblings & a Peek at what I'm working on

Now that I've floated out of the clouds and back down to earth thinking this whole job thing is just a dream, reality is finally setting in. Jacob is super excited.

"You don't work weekends?...Can we go out to breakfast finally!? Can we go bowling? Mini golfing? To the movies? Then out to dinner. And maybe ice cream and shopping for some new toys!?" He said this all with the cutest smile on his face then he added "Can we do this ALL day EVERY Saturday!?"

I just laughed and said we'd be able to do all that…maybe not every weekend though. If you've ever worked retail you'd know that it doesn't leave much time for a life. The hours are weird and because it's not a set schedule it's hard to plan anything or get into a routine. It's going to be a relief to finally have somewhat of set schedule. It's going to be weird at first I'm assuming. But it will be good.

As suspected once I gave my notice my  hours got sliced in half & I was given all night shifts. A few of my co-workers told me not to just show up, since it's my last week anyway but that isn't me. Unfortunately knowing myself :) I'd probably feel guilty. I'm going to work the last two shifts and finish my time there until the day I said I would.

 I'm a huge believer in things happening when they're supposed to happen. The last couple of years I've noticed gradual changes in my life and within myself but this year alone, so many things happened. I've had so many random moments just interacting with people I know casually, strangers, over heard conversations,  customers, people I've talked to in the aisles of stores, that just happened to always say things I needed to hear at that exact moment. I don't really know how to explain it. I feel 10 years behind everyone else my age, but for the first time in my life I FINALLY feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I can't even describe that feeling either. I am so grateful for everyone I've met and all the interactions I've had up until this point because I've learned a little bit from everything.

My mind has been all over the place lately, as you can imagine but life goes on. I've been busy with School actually. I had my first exam for Intro to Macroeconomics. I got an 84. I was hoping for a higher grade but I'm proud of my 84.  My next grade is going to be better. I had so much school work this week in addition to studying for that Exam. I had to read some short stories my English Professor handed out, then I had to finish one book so I could *FINALLY* start my draft and research for a paper and turn it in for editing by Saturday, read two chapters of another book, then start another book that has to be finished by Wednesday's so we can discuss it, then start reading the next chapters for in my macroeconomics book. Needless to say, I was a little schooled out so I took a night off from studying….and stayed up past 1am finishing a digital kit I started a little while back. It's pretty much done. Now that I've laid it out for 'display' I think I may add a few more papers but it's pretty much done.

Coffee of course. Why would it be anything else? LOL! I have a few other themes in the works as well.

I've sort of let my store fade into the horizon. That's why I took the link off my Blog but now that I'll have more of a regular schedule I'll have a little bit of time to work on it now so I will eventually be adding it back. It's something I definitely want to keep as a side thing. I try to forget about it, but it just won't leave my mind so it's something I need to do.

I definitely enjoy having a busier ---not overwhelming, just full --- schedule. It keeps me motivation and I've found I've been more creative too. I also have more energy. We'll see how it goes. :)

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Thursday, October 2, 2014

A Wild One

I've got big plans for next weekend. Seriously. I'm going all out crazy. Letting loose and just being myself.

If you didn't know me, you'd think I was going to have a wild night on the town. However, if you know me you'd roll your eyes and call me the most boring 30 year old on the planet because you know exactly what I'd be doing.

Cooking :)

I'm such an old lady. Cooking, crafts, practical gifts, coffee dates….

It's okay though. I can have fun too. I just prefer old lady things, LOL.

There are quite a few things I need to make that I just haven't had the time to make. Like bread. Ugh. Now that I've mastered homemade bread, store bought just isn't cutting it. I need to stock up! I also need to make some chicken stock and there are a few snack type items that I want to make.

Right now though, I need to finish my paper….

 ...Let me tell you this: I am so thankful for coffee.

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Wednesday, October 1, 2014

New Chapter & a Digital Layout

I feel like a new person. Even from just a year ago. I am different. In a good way. Actually, not really different, I just am finally becoming the person I knew I could be. Before I hated myself, life and everything around me. I had no direction because I was listening to everyone but me.  I was so confused. I'm still confused, lol, but I finally getting back on track with my goals.  I was always afraid to be myself (there are reasons for that...). I honestly didn't even know what it was like to be myself. Vanessa who? I hadn't a clue. For so long I completely forgot about me.  Then everything changed. I couldn't live like that anymore. I didn't like the direction I was going and I didn't like the person that I was becoming.  I started to change gradually and one day it just clicked. Losing 80lbs and being confident in my looks certainly helps! Everything started to finally make sense.

I'm in a good place right now. And I am NEVER going back to be the person I was before because that person was not me. Never Ever again. I'm not saying I'm never going to have a bad day or get frustrated or grumpy, but positivity and just being me definitely pays off.

 Speaking of positivity. I have been waiting for this day for such a long time. Words can not even express my feelings at the moment.  I've been holding back telling many people because it doesn't seem like it's real but I got a new job! 

It was bittersweet and somewhat emotional after I handed in my two weeks notice the other day. I'm not really going to talk about the job yet. Everything is signed so it is real but I'm not talking about until I start and know for sure that this is real. Lol.  I don't want to jinx anything. Honestly it doesn't even seem true.

I had letters for each manager in the store. Being in transition with yet another new consolidation/change, my department is currently without a manger so I figured to be on the safe side, I'd give a letter to everyone.  When my Ops manager finally came in the office, I handed her my letter and told her. I wasn't sure what reaction I was going to get but she was more than positive. "I am so happy for you. You are way too smart for this place. There isn't potential here" I had been hearing this a lot lately. Back in June I had a long unexpected talk about life, goals, where I was going, etc with my Store manager and heard similar statements. "Don't settle, Vanessa. I don't know if you see it yourself, but I can just see in your actions and how you work and interact with employees and customers, you can do so much more than this." After I was leaving his office he said "You're not going to be lifer here. There's no potential here. You can do more. You're young."

It's weird hearing things like that. I know what my capabilities are. I'm no Einstein but I am smart, and I capable of doing more than what I am doing.  I know the reasons as to why I am that way and gradually I am changing my views about myself. It's  going to be a change but I am so excited and very grateful to be given this opportunity. I am both excited and nervous to start this next chapter in my life. I can't wait to see what else is in store for me.

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