Thursday, August 21, 2014

If I could get a redo

Hey! Okay, so it seems as though once a week is all the time I have to fit in blogging. So far things have been going well at work. Sales is definitely not something I want to for the rest of my life or even as a career, but it really great to be able to interact with customers face to face. I love that aspect of it…selling on the other hand…we'll see how it goes. I'm not a pushy or persuasive person, so that may catch up to me. So far, if I notice someone looking at a particular item I'll approach them and tell them a little bit about it (thank goodness we carry iPads! So we can check the details). Then I ask if they want it.  (not in those words). I don't really "sell". That might catch up to me…a few couples actually complimented me on that approach. They were  grateful I didn't try to "sell" them something that they didn't want.  We'll see how it goes…

Today was a busy day. Because I am a transfer student I had to attend a workshop at the school I am going to. It consisted of a very dry professor explaining how to register for classes, how to read our degree audit, went over a map of the campus…then we had to go for placement testing. Let's just say…had I known I was going to take a test…math nonetheless…I would have studied my hiney off. Eeek.  Remember what I said about math and me? Not a good mix…rather than start at the bottom AGAIN. I will be taking the test again in 4 months and studying my butt off. It's weird, because I understand it in the moment but it doesn't stick. I guess I'm going to have to do math every day until I graduate.

You know what else? When I was going over my degree audit with an advisor, I realized A Business degree requires lots of math. How did I not realize this before? WHAT WAS I THINKING! Since untangling my sprial of confusion I vowed if I ever go back to school I am NOT ALLOWED TO CHANGE MY MAJOR. Whatever I pick. I'm sticking to it. So I'm stuck. Maybe this is some sort of sign. I guess I have no choice but to accept the challenge. I think I like stressing myself out. Lol.

On a good note: No one can accuse me of avoiding something I don't like anymore. Just in the past few months I have been thrown so far out of my comfort zone it's almost funny. Almost. No more taking the safe route.

This brings me to this:

Oh how I wish I could get a redo of my high school years. I would do so many things differently. The first thing I would do is take my academics more seriously than I did because they are oh so very important in determining your starting point for entering the real world. I didn't know that back then. So kids. Or whoever.  TAKE HIGH SCHOOL SERIOUSLY! The other thing for me that I would change is I would learn to motivate myself and not wait around for my parents to motivate me to do well. So another lesson: Kids, if your parents are pains in the butts and make you do your homework. You are lucky because they only want what is best for you. You may not realize it now, but they do. If you don't have a good support system. It's going to be a bit harder, but learn from me - you have the ability to motivate yourself. Whatever YOU want. YOU can get. You don't have to wait around for someone to give you that kick.

It's not going to be easy and I have hit a few snags - well, more than a few and still encountering them - but I am ready to prove a lot of people wrong.

Well, that’s it for the lecture. I hope you all have had a fantastic week!

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Thursday, August 14, 2014

Ramblings and a layout

Hello! I hope you all have been doing well.  I haven't forgotten about my little piece of the Web. I've just been busy. Work is finally catching up to me. But I love it!  Saturday is my last day of training.

That's going to be interesting. If it were any other weekend I would be totally fine. But since it's the Massachusetts Tax Holiday…and I now sell appliances. It’s a HUGE deal. Both Saturday and Sunday we will have all the Big shots from the District at our store…since we're the busiest, biggest store, and get the most traffic out of the 16 other stores in out district.  We have stores in our district that are in Connecticut and Rhode Island too. Not all states do this tax free thing so we're the lucky ones to get the visitors.

I'm terrified to be completely honest. I've met all of them and have spoken with them all, but MY FIRST DAY LIVE ON COMMISSION is the SECOND BUSIEST WEEKEND OF THE YEAR. I'm terrified. Because everyone will be there to judge, and observe to make sure we're doing our jobs correctly.…Yay. On the plus side, at least Saturday I will get a taste of the experience and will be prepared for Sunday (still busy, but less busy than Saturday). My role on Saturday will be to pull reports since I am not on commission yet. Should be interesting.

My manager actually asked me if I wasn't comfortable on such a crazy day going live, that they could work something out and I could be paid training pay for my shift. I actually thought about it, taking my anxiety into consideration, but I decided against it. In my weeks of training, I've sold and rung up some big sales so I think I will do okay…I will wear triple the amount of deodorant than day. I've been studying my product handbooks like crazy because when I'm nervous I tend to forget everything. I'm hoping the extra studying will help. If it were a regular weekend, I would be totally fine, but considering all the pressure there will be and all the people (upper level managers) there, it's nerve-wracking.   

 We'll see how it goes.

As I mentioned in a previous post, for the time being I'll be focusing on digital scrapbooking. With my schedule this is the only thing I have time to do. I actually love it though. I have a post in the works as to why I love it. Stay tuned. :) It will be up here eventually.

Well. I will be back next week sometime. I'll be sure to let you know how the weekend goes. It should be interesting. Have a fantastic weekend.

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Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Finally Time & a Layout

Phew! Finally a moment to sit down and finally write a post. I actually thought it was going to be harder going from 12 hours a week to 40 but the transition has been good. I'm still in training. My first day live on commission will be the second day of tax free weekend….what a week to go live. Eeeekkk. Tax free weekend is fairly new in Massachusetts…5ish years I think…but next to Black Friday it's the second busiest time I believe. (Don't quote me! Lol!). That should be interesting since I'm unofficially in training.

What do I mean? Well, there is a lot of confusion in officially transferring me to the department. I've been shadowing and actually ringing things for other associates to learn the processes so I've been doing more hands on training rather than boring computer training, which I will have to complete once they figure everything out…and more than likely after I am live and already on commission. Backwards. But it's all good. It hasn't been too busy but I've been enjoying the more hands on approach.

I even sold a fridge, a dishwasher, and a freestanding range. Yay! It's not as scary as I thought it was going to be. I forgot how much I actually like being on the sales floor and being part of the action. I'm not crazy about the drama amongst certain coworkers, but it comes with the territory…especially in a sales environment. It will be good though. I'm confident I will be fine once I'm thrown out there…I think!  LOL. I've made a few minor mistakes/slipups, but nothing that couldn't be fixed.

So, here is a layout I created about why I decided to take this job. For the time being, digital scrapbooking is the only thing I have time for. Even then when I get a minute to sit at the computer, I'm already at that zombie stage of tiredness but  I *NEED* to stay up and do something for myself because I don't have the free time I used to. Plus, if I don't carve out a little slice of time for myself to do something mindless and fun I'm going to be a grump. I'm don't like being a grump, so even if I'm in the zombie stage of tiredness, its worth that half hour/hour loss of sleep for some me time.

I'm still feeling great with all these changes going on. I feel like personally I am in a better place than I was even a few months ago. That dark cloud that was hanging over my head is finally gone. I never understood when people would say they feel like a weight has been lifted, but I really do now. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted and I have a clear vision of my future. Holy heck does it feel good! I guess the saying is true, that sometimes you really do need to hit rock bottom before you see that it's time for a change. In my case, it's very true. 

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Tuesday, July 29, 2014


I've really been enjoying digital scrapbooking. It's more forgiving. Ctrl+Z and your mistake is gone. If only that worked in real life, huh? That'd be awesome. I know a few moments in life that I would like to  Ctrl+Z. Actually, I know of a lot of moments that I'd like to Ctrl+Z but I can't, so the next best thing to do is use it as a lesson.

I feel so different since this epiphany. I know I keep talking about it, but I really do. I feel like a completely different person. In such a short time too. I'm not completely changed, but my attitude has completely turned around. I smile for real now. Not just to fake being happy at work or in public. I ACTUALLY am happy; something I don't think I've been for a long time. Running helps.  I am so glad I started.

The other day I didn't want to run but since this is only my second week I went anyway. The first bit was a bit rough, then I just kept going and going. I ran the longest I had run before without stopping for a walking break. It felt great. Todays run on the other hand was crappy, mainly due to the pants I was wearing….Yeah, when running make sure your pants fit so you're not pulling them up every two seconds. Oh well! Now I know.

So many things are happening. It's kind of crazy. I still am waiting for the doom to pop up on me, because that's what I have been used to the last however many years. I don't think anything too horrible  is up to bat any time soon…but there is still a little bit of skepticism. Not enough for me to stop doing what I'm doing though. I'm just going to enjoy everything. Honestly though, I think I've had enough crappy stuff happen over the last 10 years, that I'm not due for a while at least.

Okay, so now for the layout. 

This isn't my favorite but it documents the short version of why I want to go back to school. School is one of the moments I'd like to Ctrl+Z. I'd love to be able to go back to my Senior year of high school, not let the drama and insecurities affect me. I'd love to go back and put my heart and soul into my school work because I know I was much more capable of getting C's and D's. Getting an A in college algebra, my first year of college was proof that a little bit of effort goes a long way.  I'd love to go back and put the effort in and get good grades and have the whole college experience, rather than have my only option be a community college. (was my only option for a few reasons, not even just academically)  I'll stop now, because I'd essentially change my entire path. Had I done that though, I probably wouldn't be in the same place I am now. My experiences made me grateful and appreciate a lot things that most people take for granted.

One thing I wouldn't Ctrl+Z is making one more attempt to get the person that wasn't speaking to me (the straw that broke the camels back, remember?) to at least hear what I had to say about this whole experience. It worked. Granted it was only via text, but I didn't like the way we had left things off and being the person that I am, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I had to try one more time before I accepted things for how they were.. I can be a real pain in the ass sometimes. Well, it worked.  It's only been a short time, but if this person were to see me today, they would be surprised at the changes I have made.   As I said, it's so strange but I feel like a completely different person.

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Monday, July 28, 2014

Ramblings and a layout

Hey! How was everyone's Monday? I hope it was great. Mine was a relaxing do nothing kind of day. Don't you just love those? Since starting this new job I've been working 40 hours so I haven't had much time to do anything. I've been dabbling in digital scrapbooking during my free time after everyone has gone to bed. Other than that, I haven't done much else other than catch up on the news, and regular every day stuff. 

You know what's funny?  ------I'm afraid of jinxing myself but I'm going to say it anyway -----I was more tired working 12 hours a week than I am working 40. Maybe because it's new. Who knows, but I will take it. It's funny too because I thought I was going to be nervous but I am not even in the slightest. Never in a million years did I think I had the personality to sell stuff but I think I'm catching on. I feel like a new person. Honestly. That sounds weird but I do. Ever since my epiphany, it's like the dark cloud that has been hanging over my head for so long has lifted. My attitude is more positive, I wake up with more energy, things that used to bother me don't bother me anymore, I'm not afraid to put myself out there and not be as shy or try new stuff. The list goes one. It's only been a short time but I am on the road to change. I notice people even talk to me more. Before I swear I scared people away. Now, I feel like there is a whole different energy about me. I'm not afraid anymore to be myself, give my opinions, or do what I want. I've started talking about myself a bit more and opening up (fine line, people don't need to know my whole life drama) and it's not as bad as I thought it was going to be. This is a good thing.  I can't thank the person enough that said what they said. Not that it was them entirely, it was more like the last straw.

My 30's are going to be good. I can feel it.

I will say this though. I *ALMOST* gave up. I was going over my budget the other day…my budget is not very big and at first I thought there was no way for me to fit in the $150 dollar deposit for school. I cried, I almost ripped up my acceptance letter (almost. Didn't), and basically threw a temper tantrum in anger. Well, I woke up the next day and told myself that I have to do it no matter what. NO GIVING UP!!! I went back to my budget and cut back on grocery budget for the next two weeks so I could write that check.

So, it's pasta, beans, homemade pizza, and frozen fruit for the next two weeks. I hope you guys aren't expecting any recipes. Hahaha!

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Wednesday, July 23, 2014

A Layout & Discovery

I kind of had an epiphany a few Saturday ago. I was scrapbooking and prettying up my new 'Work Notes' notebook and  I was thinking. I swear to you, my brain NEVER shuts off. I try to shut it off only to end up thinking too much about a solution to shut it off….yeah. That's my brain. ANYWAY.  I was thinking about what I am good at. I'm good at a lot of things but I went through a huge list of things before I finally figured it out as whole. I have been looking at everything wrong all along.

I am good at solutions.

There hasn't been a situation in my life where I haven't been able to figure whether it be something serious in life or trying to figure out placement for furniture/decorations in a given space.

Take a look for second.

When I took graphic design, I didn't really enjoy the drawing part.  Drawing and coming up with my own ideas in a drawing sense is very difficult for me. (does that make sense??? I don't know how to explain it)  I had never drawn or had interest in drawing until I took up this major in school. Even then, all my drawings were of the same things. Even coming up with my digital kits is really difficult. 


When I'm given a whole jumble elements, I am able to come up with a solution as to how they will work best with each other.  Which brings me to


I love scrapbooking, whether it be traditional or digital. I don't think I will ever get sick of it.  I will probably be scrapbooking until the day I die.

Then there is

Interior Design

When it came time in high school to think about which path to take,  cooking and interior design were high on my list. English was there too because I could write until my hand falls off, and then some,  but I haven't figured out how writing fits into this whole solution thing.

Anyway. It was a toss up between those three. Because of Life, I chose with Graphic Design.  A major I had never even considered before seeing it on the application.

Growing up the only "game" I ever played on the computer was with home design software. I loved taking a premade floor plan and decorating the whole hours, from floor samples, to paint colors, to cabinetry and furniture arrangement. I loved it, and I was good at it.

My apartment is only 850sqft. If you walked in, with the amount of things I have in here, and the placement I have you would think I live in a much larger apartment. I'm not just saying
 that, multiple people have made comments. I seem to have a knack for taking things and putting them in the most efficient way, and make them look good. A

Customer service.
I have calmed more customers down than I count that others have tried and failed. I'm good at problem solving.


An actual puzzle. I don't know how I do it but I can just look at piece and know where it is supposed to go.  I haven't made a puzzle in a while, but now that I'm thinking about it…I may just have to do one.


I love to fix things. 90% of the time, I don't need a manual. I can just look at something and put it together and make it work. I'm also very handy. I love assembling things too. I'm pretty good at it, and rarely need the instruction.

 Also, everyone seems comes to me for advice…sometimes I wish I knew how to take my own advice though ;)

I'm just good at taking all the pieces and putting them together in the best possible way. Now I just need to figure out how to apply this to my everyday life and figuring out which type of career path I want to take. Getting in to school was the fist step. Hopefully I will be able to figure it out soon enough.

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Tuesday, July 22, 2014

A Lesson and something else

SO many positive things have been happening. It's really great. With my track record, I keep waiting for something bad to happen again. It almost seems like I am due...but I'm not letting that get me down.  How could I? Especially after opening my mail today

EEEEEEEKKKKK!!! Notgonnalie,  I'm terrified actually that things have been falling in to place like this. It's almost one of those too good to be true things. I keep looking over my shoulder, expecting something bad to happen because that is what happened in the past. I am too excited though to let any negativity get me down.  Most people have advised me to go the community college route. I tried that.  So with this new mindset I had to try something different. I can't keep running in circles. So I stopped and applied to a more challenging school. Maybe it was the classes I took, but *FOR ME* that was the easy way out. It wasn't challenging for me. So I decided on this local college…well now it's a university…because I feel like it will give me what I need to succeed and stick with it.  Being the person I am, I know what I am capable of and this will be exactly what I need. I can feel it. My thinking is probably weird, but it makes sense to me. I know what I need to do and just jump right in.

I wasn't expecting this as soon as it came. I figured it would be a few more weeks, even though all my documents were received.  Well,  I was out for my second run of the week ---yup. I did it!! I'll get in to that in a second though -- and I was ready to collapse when I decided to check the mail. There it was. I think my heart raced even more than it already was. I went in my apartment, crashed on the bed and opened a tiny corner of the envelope and cautiously peeked inside. When I saw the Congratulations, I ripped that sucker open. I wasn't expecting to get accepted in to the Fall Semester, since…oh, it starts in September…well I did. Even though I planned on going full time in the spring, I'm wondering if it would be fine to just take a class, then start the full time in January..if I can't figure out finacial aid in a month..   My whole plan was worked out for me getting in to the Spring Semester.  Starting in January. I put both on my application because I kept going back and fourth…LOL. I'm a planner and had it all worked out in my head that I would have ample time to figure out financial aide since the priority deadline had already passed for the school. Yeah, that plan is definitely foiled…but I will figure it out.


Okay. So Running. Sunday I came home from work to an empty house. I was thinking the entire day about running and trying to pep myself up for going on Monday. When I got home though  I said "Screw it. I'm not starting this cycle of putting everything off again. I'm just going to do it." I put all my work stuff away and get into my new workout gear. Then sat on my bed for a half hour coming up with excuses as to why it was a bad idea to go running. I couldn't think of any good reason as to why it was a bad idea, so I tried to come up with ways to disguise myself. When all my ideas ended up making me look even more ridiculous than my running, I decided I would use music to drown out the world.

I put my earphones in and blasted the music, really loud. Like really really loud. And I just went. As I started running, a car started coming near. I seriously thought about jumping into a nearby bush until all the traffic in the world disappeared  but again, I told myself I was being the ridiculous one.  The car passed me, and I smiled to myself because it wasn't too bad. NO ONE CARES. I only went around 2 blocks before I had to head home because if I had gone any further, I'd be crawling home because my legs had turned to Jell-o long before starting my second block.

When I got home, I took out my earphones and could still hear the music playing in my head. NEVER will I listen to it that loud again. Lol. But I realized two things. The first was that all my fears were ridiculous scenarios that I had created because all the people I passed were too occupied with their own lives to even notice me. Even the ones that did, smiled or waved. I wasn't ridiculed or have things thrown at me like I had feared. Yes, I know, LOL.  The second thing I learned was that

No matter how much you walk, running is an entirely different ballgame. My poor legs!

Jell-o legs didn't stop me from going out yesterday. I actually even went my entire walking route. I didn't run the entire thing, because I'd probably have to be carried home but I did it. And you know what. It wasn't that bad.

So many things are changing. For the better. I'm terrified and excited to see what the future holds. We'll see what happens.

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