Saturday, August 1, 2015

So long scrapbook stuff

....most of it at least. I don't plan on giving up scrapbooking completely and I did keep a few basic things. My main goal when I started scrapbooking was to document memories so that when I or anyoneb else looked at pictures in the future, they would know exactly what was going on in that moment. Well, wouldn't you know, the more stuff I bought the harder it was to scrapbook and the more frustrated and stressed I got and eventually I didn't scrapbook. I haven't printed out photos in a long time and just have felt completely uninspired by both my photos and abundance of product.

It was a tough decision to get rid of all my stuff but my life is going through so many changes right now that I feel that it is the right time to explore other things. I'm not giving up on documenting my memories. I still plan on adding journaling with my - I'm just going to go back to a more simple way.

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Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Ramblings: Magazine Collages

It's me again! Popping in after a brief hiatus...again. Whoops! Life sometimes gets so busy but I still think of my blog so don't you worry! I haven't disappeared completely.  So, what do I have going on? Nothing too exciting, just regular normal life stuff. I won't bore you with that stuff because I know you all have your own "boring" regular life stuff - so on to today's post;

I don't buy magazine to read. I buy them for visual inspiration. One thing I discovered over the last couple of years is that I am a visual person. I get my inspiration visually and I am drawn to things that are visually appealing. I don't know why it took me so long to discover this because I used to do what I started recently growing up: cutting pictures from magazines and creating collages and inspiration books.

One of the things I remember looking forward to was getting my Delia catalog . What teen girl in the 90's didn't? Not only did I spend hours thumbing through the catalog dreaming of the clothes I would never buy but I used to cut everything out I loved and glue them on a poster board and plaster my room with collages. I didn't just do this with my Delia catalog. I did this with every magazine my mother no longer wanted. I'd cut out words, pictures, pictures, phrased - anything really that appealed to me in that moment. 

I don't know why I did it. It was just something I thoroughly enjoyed. I had many composition books, and poster boards filled with magazine cutouts. Then I stopped - not because I didn't enjoy it, but because of life craziness. At the peak of the craziness, when I had no choice but to move out, all my collages and notebooks went in the trash. 12-13 years later, I now wish I had saved some of those because I realize those notebooks plastered with cutouts were my form of self expression. That along with writing and reading - all things that I lost touch with. 

I know I've written on here a lot about passions and things that I think I should be doing - I probably confuse the hell out of all of you. Which is totally understandable because I confuse the heck out of myself too. I have lost touch with myself over the years and I am just starting to figure that out again. I'm realizing that a lot of things that I say I enjoy only because I think I need to enjoy them and I try to force myself in to it only to end up burned out and more confused. Does that make sense? 

Within the last year I've discovered a lot about myself. Let me tell you - it's been a crazy ride.

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Saturday, June 20, 2015

Ramblings & a layout...kind of

I've been feeling completely uninspired lately when it comes to scrapbooking. I even thought creating a smash book page about it would help draw some of those juices out but...I've got nothing. It makes me sad because I've got so many great supplies and so many thoughts & memories to scrap but I just come up blank. I sit down, start the page then Just arrange for hours. Part of it is the perfectionist in me. Part of it is my brain and focusing on 100,000 things at the moment. I want to do everything...

This is the layout I started working on buy just couldn't find the mojo to complete it. I decided to just leave my desk as is for a while and hoped inspiration would come. What do you normally do when you're in a scrapbooking slump? Well wouldn't you know, Sunday afternoon I was just hanging out and a rush of creativity swept over me. 

I'm good at scrapping non photo stuff, thoughts, feelings,  and just everyday stuff so I decided to make an album full of quotes I love. I actually started it a few weeks ago but that was when my creativity started sloping down hill. This a sneak peek of the album. 

I have a super busy week this week but I am going to try to work on it every day even if I only add 1 element. I figure At least I am doing something. 

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Friday, June 19, 2015

Coffee Filter Flowers

I've got to admit - I was so against getting a smart in the past but now..I am addicted. I have to force myself to put it down sometimes, which is bad, I do realize but it makes life so much easier. I can do anything with it. Even blogging. I've actually found that I barely turn my desktop on anymore unless I am paying bills - which was what I was doing when my computer went on the fritz - or browsing Pinterest while sipping my morning coffee. I've been fiddling around with it and Googling how to fix I think is okay for now....{knock on wood}. I use my phone to take 99% of my pictures now...which is something I was dead set against but it is just so convenient.. I rarely use my actual camera anymore. Everything is on my phone. How funny is it that I am even thinking about upgrading to the iPhone 6? I bought the most basic one thinking I was never going to use it...unfortunately though I can't upgrade now though because it's not in my budget but I certainly like to dream!

Speaking of computers and fritzes. I've been paranoid to keep mine turned on for more than an hour or two so It's actually been really good motivation for me to get stuff done & Finish stuff - like I wrote in my post here about my not finishing stuff.  Well I broke out one of my unfinished projects and stuck it through until it was done: Coffee filter flowers which were oh so very simple to make. You should try them!

First I took a plain ol' coffee filter and dyed it. How did I dye it? Just a bucket of water and a few squirts of paint. Simple as that. I then let it soak for a few minutes until I got the color I desired squeezed it out and let it dry overnight....that's when I dropped off this project and it became unfinished.

Next, I took the coffee filter, folded it in half, then in half again, then again. Once it was the size I wanted I cut a ragged edge and snipped a little piece of the end off.

Then I took a skewer (floral stick but it's the exact same thing as a skewer but can even paint a skewer green if you have the patience.) ...and slid the coffee filter on. I bunched it up a bit then used floral tape to secure it in place. (Tips: stretch the tape a little while your taping. It helps it become a little stickier. Also, make sure you always tape a little bit of the stick so it doesn't slide off.)

Then repeat with about 4 or 5 more coffee filters depending on your desired look. For the vase, I used an old bulk spice jar that I had saved and stuffed it with some floral moss I bought at the dollar store. 

So there it is! One of my MANY infused projects complete. Stay tuned because I will be back with more.

Linked up here:

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Sunday, June 14, 2015

Unfinished epiphany

*excuse any weirdly formatted photos, spelling errors or typos. I am human and...well just read below. ;)* 

Positive positive computer is on the fritz. Eeek! Old Vanessa would have been freaking out but New Vanessa doesn't see the point in freaking out. There are other solutions...thank goodness for technology! 

I can utilize my cell phone, and my work computer if needed.  Plus, it works in increments...I just can't be on it for long periods of time before it crashes or tells me something is wrong with the display driver. No big deal I will get to it when I can. 

Maybe I am desensitized from my experiences in the past or maybe I just grew up and realized that most things Are not worth stressing. Who knows. I'm not saying I have no feeling whatsoever because that is not true. I'm sure I classify as a highly sensitive person. I feel. Lol. I get annoying, frustrated, sometimes i want to scream. I get get, sad, I loose confidence, I worry a lot. I think a lot. I also love. I don't like to upset people, I feel what they feel and understand every point of view. I
I just tend to look at things in a more positive light now. I don't really expect much anymore and just go with the flow and have hope that things don't stay bad forever. Things do get better! That I know. Struggles make you stronger and they help you grow. I know they have for me. 

I'm going to stop now before I go into speech mode...I sort of had an epiphany over the weekend - let me tell you, I seem to be having a lot of these lately- this one wasn't necessarily a 'hit in the face with a brick' moment but it was more of a 'sit back in in your chair, cross your legs and stroke your chin in deep thought' moments.

I actually had a talk with someone on Friday and this person didn't say anything earth shattering. It was just kind of the conversation I needed to have. I actually only asked a simple question. As I started saying something in context of our convo then it hit me...

I am an avoider. I don't finish stuff. And I set myself up to fail rather than enhance on my strengths. I'm not afraid of failing. Quite the opposite actually. Failing I am excellent at. Being good at something is what I am  I am afraid of. I know why. I feel/felt that no matter what I do I will never be good enough,  Because I was ALWAYS compared to others.  Nothing I ever did was good enough. I was never encouraged to have a personality of my own - and when I tried I was shot down. I know am an adult now but when these things are ingrained in you from a young age it's a process to fix. 

I am midway through the process. It's scary. It's overwhelming but I am coming out of this better than ever. I'm gonna finish stuff. I'm gonna do what I want to do and I'm just going to be me. 

I have a bunch of unfinished projects that I am going to finish! Last night with my computer on the fritz I sat down an actually finished one project! Stay tuned to see!

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Monday, June 8, 2015

Whole Wheat Honey Oatmeal Bread

Ahh, Monday.  Why do you have to come back so fast? It's funny because I never thought I'd get to the point where I was excited about weekends. For the last few months my weekends have been filled with getting used to this new lifestyle, shopping, cleaning, organizing and whatever else I had to do. Now that things are falling into place and getting back into a routine, the last two weekends have been low key which has been nice.  I've been working on stocking my freezer - Over the last year, I've been slacking in the cooking department. I've just had a ton on my mind. The thinking has toned down a bit and I'm in a better place personally and I am slowly getting back into doing the things I love. One of those things is cooking.

To say I love cooking is an understatement. I LOOOOOVVVEEE to cook. I could spend all day in the kitchen. Not only do I love to cook, but I love food in general. I read cookbooks and cooking magazines religiously, I'm always on Pinterest searching for new recipes and I love taking and looking at pictures of food. Yes, I am one of *those* people on Facebook that has a million and 1 pictures of food. Sorry I'm not sorry. :)

Now that we are on the subject of food, What's a better way to start the week off than with come carbs to slow us do even more. Who cares,  Bread is such a comfort food that it can make any day better - Especially a Monday.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am the queen of bread…I don't know what it is about bread, but whenever I made it I get tingles up my spine. I get the same feeling when I am driving or sitting in traffic, writing, or walking into a city or learning about something I find interesting.  When the tingles happen I know it is true passion…I have some weird passions, I know….

Moving on…So back to bread. Bread baking is one of my passions and this bread is one of my favs. Here is the recipe so you can make it yourself.

Whole Wheat Honey Oatmeal Bread

2 1/2 cups boiling water
1 cup thick oats
1/4 cup sugar
1 tsp molasses
1 tsp honey
4 TBS butter
1 1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp cinnamon
1 TBS yeat
1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour
3-4 cups white flour

In a mixing bowl combine water, oats, sugar, molasses, honey, butter, salt, and cinnamon. Let cool until room temp.

Add wheat flour and 1 cup of white flour and yeast. Stir until you get a shaggy dough. Add more flour 1/2 cup at a time to create a soft dough. Knead until the dough is smooth. Transfer to a lightly floured or oiled bowl; cover with a damp cloth and let ride for 1 hour or until doubled.

Divide the dough in half; shape into a loaf and transfer to two bread pans. Cover with a damp cloth and let rise for about another hour.

Halfway through the second rise, preheat oven to 350°F. Bake for 35 to 40 minutes until they are golden brown. Let cook to room temp before slicing.

To ensure the bread is cooked carefully take the bread out of the pan, flip it over and knock on the bottom. If it sounds hollow, its fully cooked.

Enjoy your bread!

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Saturday, June 6, 2015

What I've been up to.

This week went by so slow. I am so very glad that is is the weekend.i don't have anything exciting planned at all but it's going to be nice not having to do anything. I'm sensing pajama weekend is in the works. Lol. So what's going on with you guys? Anything interesting and exciting? I have a few things:

I got retweeted by Taste of Home magazine. Such a minor thing, but I truely LOVE that magazine and have been reading it since I was like...ummm...10. I've become more active on Twitter lately, so this minor thing made me excited.

John has been officially moved out now for a little bit and I am working on getting my apartment to reflect more of a style that is me. I made a couple of shopping trips to IKEA and went on an assembly spree the last few weekends.

I think I m good for now furniture wise. Although I do need to get a TV, a stand and a couch. I have a couch but it's seen better days. The TV, I am not in a rush because I have Netflix and just have the couch turned to face my computer. No big deal since I rarely watch tv anyway. I am hooked though in Greys anatomy and breaking bad. Once Orange is the new black comes out with the new season, I will be glued to the screen. Who needs cable? Seriously...

Work wise things are going well I think. No one has said otherwise so I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing. Me being me, I do worry sometimes because coming from retail it's so hard to get used to not being questioned about every little thing. Being trusted to get the job done is still kind of weird concept; anyone who has worked in retail a long time will get what I mean.. I've stopped (I think) asking so many 'am I doing ok' questions and just try to have confidence that I am doing the right thing. Having my own areas that I am responsible now for has definitely helped. I am getting there. I'm still trying to figure out this whole career thing out because I am clueless. I've never really had any direction or anyone to help guide me..which is kind of why I stayed at Sears for so long. I figure that was it.

I'm more fulfilled now.  I am learning something everyday..I still have a lot to learn. I sometimes get self conscious because I feel like I should be further than I am. Not only work wise but life in general but it is what it is so I try to just take it one day at a time and not dwell.
A few days after the last time I blogged last time (April 25th I think) My company participated in a bring your kid to work day. I wasn't really sure what to expect but it ended up being a really fun day. The day started off with Breakfast and a welcome speech from the VP of HR and the CEO of the company. Then The kids went back to office with their parents for about an hour. After that the kids were split up into age groups and were shuffled around to participate in various activities throughout the day. We met back up with all the kids for lunch, then they went back to their groups for some more fun.  The day ended with an 'Make your own Sundae' party and the kids were given goodie bags. Let me tell you. When they said Good bags, I was expecting the typical birthday party variety. Nope. They were huge and loaded with tons of stuff.

Isn't that huge???!! Now look what was inside...As the days go by the more and more I appreciate where I work and am so thankful that someone finally decided to give me a chance despite my inexperience and only working at 1 place before.

The other thing which is Kinda major is I reconnected with my dad. I haven't spoken with him in about 9 years due to some bitterness that I carried with me for a very very long time but my sister Heidi convinced me to at least call him. Stubborn old me didn't want to but I did agree to Facebook friend his wife. I totally wasn't expecting anything but I was pleasantly surprised when she welcomed me with open arms, was not upset that I never gave her a chance and actually understood the craziness of the time. It's been a little overwhelming...because you need to understand my family craziness...but it's been good. We've gone shopping, I've been to the house, and I've even met one of her daughters. It's been really nice actually.

I've got a lot going on but I am still hoping to get more more consistent with blogging as the weeks go by. That's all I've got for today though! Enjoy the weekend!

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