Friday, November 14, 2014

Bucket List: CHECK




Eeek! I did it again! Fridays seem to be the day I get around to blogging. The last few months have been a bit crazy. 11 books. 1 class. Need I say more? Once I'm done with this post I'm going to get some photos gathered together for that mini album I've been wanting to throw together, shower then hit the books..I signed up for 3 classes next semester but I don't think the three of them combined will take up as much time as this reading is taking me. I'm counting down until December 3rd. I don't think I've been so happy for finals!



So what's going on? Nothing really. I'm boring. I'm reminded of that everyday. It's a good reminder that I need. It goes with the whole "New Vanessa" theme. Honestly. There is reason I am boring a big part of that has to do with my relationship…and one of the big factors to this divorce. In all honestly it's just easier to explain to say "I'm boring" than to explain because I'd have to start at the beginning.  All that matters is that I'm doing the things I need to do and I'm working towards changing and living how I want to live. It's hard to be honest. Very hard. Especially for someone super shy like me. 



So, I checked something off my bucket list! Going with this whole theme, I've been wanting to have more of a social life. I just don't know how since I pretty much I work, go to school, and take care of Jacob, do housework, etc…so for the last 6 months I've been reading and rereading an article I have saved about putting yourself out there. It suggested joining a Meetup group. Being me, I kind of have always just put it off. Well, I added it to my bucket list and after another stint of me answering the "Any exciting plans for the weekend?" question with "Oh, just hanging out" and feeling totally pathetic, I created an account, signed and joined a few groups that sounded appealing to me, and signed up for an event in one of them. I'm a bit anxious though because I'm not good at putting myself out there and meeting new people.

Another thing is checked off, which is the goal, right?  This book I have is a combination of random facts about me, and things I'd love to do. Some are big, some are small, some are sill and some are more personal things that I'm not going to share with the world. Here are a few pages from my book.


 
Have a mud fight, experience Christmas in NYC, Kiss under a mistletoe (silly! But I want to lol), Visit Yosemite national park, and go parasailing.


 
I have a silly story about the first line in here: I love driving. When I went for the interview for this job I have now, we were walking to the office and my boss was asking me about the commute and if it would be a problem, etc. I mentioned that I actually loved driving, so no, obviously it wouldn't. He started laughing and told me I should be a taxi driver. Lol. I've gotten that a few times, but no. I don't want it as a career.

I believe everything happens for a reason

Sometimes I care too much

I love dressing up but at home it's yoga pants and tank top…or tonight it's leggings, pink sweatshirt, and pink fuzzy slippers.  lol

Well that's all I've got! Have a fantastic weekend!

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Sunday, November 9, 2014

Just Some More Ramblings


Holy heck! Where did the time go? I have just been so busy. I honestly don't know what I've been doing besides working, but I've been busy. Work is going great so far. I'm learning a lot and hopefully soon will be picking up some more tasks.

Besides work, as I've mentioned my life if going through lots of changes. Sorry for being vague, but it's just a lot to summarize as to what led me to this point because it started my senior year of high school and that was, uh.., 12 years ago. (HOLY CRAP). Eventually I'll post about it I'm sure. It's nerve-wracking but that's exciting and kind of a roller coaster ride. I will admit, it's hard stepping out of my box and putting myself out there. I'm trying to just figure out where I fit in and what next steps I need to take. Some days I get overwhelmed but I really try not to stress because it's all for the better. I've stressed out for far too long and it has never gotten me anywhere, so I just smile and laugh at everything now, and take life as it is.  I'm pretty much starting my life over from the ground up but I think I'm off to a good start.  I'm expecting 2015 to be the year I will finally get to the point where I am 100% comfortable with everything...I'm hoping.

 I saw this quote on Pinterest and it's oh so very true…



For pretty much the last ten years I was living in the past. I let a handful of cruddy situations and insecurities determine my entire life up until this point. Then my eyes were opened. I saw another quote on Pinterest that rang true as well. 



The truth sure did piss me off, and I was so angry with this particular person for telling me what I essentially knew, but didn't want to hear. After thinking about it though, I had to come to reality realizing I couldn't ignore it forever and let the past run my life. And that's how this whole "New Vanessa" thing started. And it's so weird because since this realization, I've run into people (even complete strangers!) that have said the exact things I've needed to hear at that exact moment. It's been so weird. Maybe I'm just more open to change now and finally listening? That's probably it. lol 

Okay, so I have nothing crafty prepared to post about. So, here's some random photos :) Here's my desk at work…Coffee of course :)



And during my recent trip to TJ Maxx, I found this little gem. 



I love 'coffee table' books. This is just a book of happy things, and motivating quotes on every page. This will be making its way onto my desk.




Well, that's all I've got! I hope you enjoyed your weekend. I will be back next week, hopefully with a finished mini album and…the contents of my Basic Grey warehouse box, that I gifted myself. I can't wait until it comes in the mail!

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Monday, November 3, 2014

Monday Ramblings


Monday is over! Whoo. It went by fast. Mondays are usually good for me  - *knock on wood* don't wanna jinx it-- I was a little nervous going into work today…I was doing a new task today. New is always scary. I did okay though. I hit a few bumps along the way, but in the end it all worked out. I felt a little bad though because I could tell my boss didn't want to give up this task completely. Believe me though, I totally understand,  it's so much easier to do thing by yourself when you know what you're doing. I'm grateful though for being given the opportunity to learn something I know very little about.

So, what's going on? Not much really. Jake and I are coming down with a cold. I just ate a spoonful of honey and I'm sitting here with a box of tissues choking down some nasty tasting throat coat tea hoping it doesn't turn into a full blown sore throat/cold. It's that time of year though! I probably should just go to bed, but I need some me time!




I'm also busy with school. When I first applied, I had my positive pants pulled up way over my head, thinking I'm going to get honors, straight A's, do extra credit, be involved in everything….Hahaha. Now that I'm exactly a month away from the end of the Semester I realize the need to be realistic. I'm doing okay. Not straight A's but I'm passing so that is a plus.  All I know is that I'm doing the best I can with the resources and time I have. Now, if I were straight out of high school, free from any obligations such as work, and taking care of a child, that goal would be realistic. Now though, I'm happy with what I'm getting. Taking this English class was a slap back to reality…with 2 books to read this week plus 2 chapters in a third book, plus a 300 page book I have to read essentially by the end of next week in order to write my final 5-7 page paper on…I've decided I need to pretty much 'wing it' in every other area. I will be happy with any grade I receive in this class, as long as it is passing. Which I'm not worried about because my midterm grade was 85 and I don't think my paper was horrible, so I'm hanging somewhere in the 80's and that I'm happy about. I will be glad when it's over.

I'll need to celebrate. I've really been thinking about throwing a party or get together of some sort lately. Hearing all the conversations at work lately, I really feel like the most boring person on the planet. I used to have parties…not wild ones, lol…tame ones, just hanging out, eating, talking and having a couple of drinks. I miss doing that. This may be the perfect time. I've got to think about it. 

 What else? Hmm, I did a little bit of scrapbooking/paper crafting. I haven't finished that mini album I mentioned here  yet…I planned on showing it some time this week but I need to get some pictures developed which I have yet to have a minute to edit and send off to get printed. This thing I did today, took less than an hour. It's just a quote. I may hang it in my cubicle. I love quotes and sometimes I need reminders. 



Now I'm going to take a shower and browse Pinterest until my hair dries…I should probably read though, huh?

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Sunday, November 2, 2014

Apple Buttermilk Waffles


Hey there! It's starting to feel like fall here. The weather is really starting to cool down. I really think I can smell snow coming. Eeeek! Earlier in the week there was snow in the forecast for this weekend, but Thankfully it hasn't happened. I didn't even know about it until a co worker mentioned it. Cooler weather I will take - snow can hold off for a little bit. I'm not ready for that.



With all the craziness going on within the last few months, I didn't get a chance to go apple picking. Luckily though, there is an apple orchard barely 10 minutes away that is open year round that sells apples year round in their store. Yum. Even though I didn't get a chance to pick them directly from the tree, that didn't stop me from my normal Fall baking. This morning I decided to make some Apple buttermilk waffles.
Apple Buttermilk Waffles

1 1/2 cups flour
2 TBS sugar
1 tsp. cinnamon
1/4 tsp. nutmeg
1/4 tsp. salt
2 eggs
1 cup buttermilk
1/4 cup oil
1 1/2 cup chopped apple

In a large bowl combine dry ingredients. Stir in apples. In a separate bowl, beat eggs; whisk in milk and oil. Add wet ingredients to dry ingredients. Stir only until moist.  Add better to preheated waffle iron. Cook according to manufacturer's instructions.

Serve with butter and syrup.

Enjoy!

Here are some more Fall themed recipes for you to try out.










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Friday, October 31, 2014

Friday Ramblings


Change is hard. But Change is also good. You would think with all the changes going on in my life, I'd be overwhelmed, but I'm not. Maybe a little terrified but I am ready. For so long, I've felt so miserable and now,  I finally feel that I am genuinely happy. I don't need to wear a mask anymore. I'm not going to sit here and write a post about how miserable I was, because honestly, the thoughts that went through my head, some of the things I've dealt with personally are not all that pleasant and I don't need to talk about that. I want to talk about the good. I'm not here to say I'm never going to get frustrated and have a bad day, because I will.  Car broken. Remember? I'm just saying, why dwell on the bad. Fuss about it for a moment to get it out, then move on. What is dwelling going to solve. Nada.

So the good. Here are a few thing.

I lost around 80lbs! That I am super excited about. I haven't bought clothes since…god knows how long. Well…since I went on an interview but before that….I couldn't even tell you. Well, I decided to treat myself to a new outfit. To top it off…The whole thing including a pair of earring didn't cost more than $30. Gotta love the clearance!  I'm such a cheapskate. :)

I have a great job that I LOVE. I was almost positive I wasn't even going to get the job based on the direction of our conversation. I left feeling slightly discouraged, but positive that this was yet another steps towards finding something right for me,  and I was ready to add it to my every growing list of learning experiences. I'll have you know that when I got a call to come in again, I nearly fainted. I totally was not expecting it.  It's a definitely learning experience and I will be forever grateful for being given the opportunity to learn and be part of a great company and working on a great team.

I'm going back to school. It's a bit overwhelming but it's something I've always wanted to do but with…life happening…I got confused and lost sight of myself and what I wanted. But now, I am at it full swing.

And finally: For the first time in a long time, I'm being a little bit selfish and thinking about myself. Sometimes I revert back with my thinking but I realize that if I can't be happy with myself, I'm never going to be happy with anyone else and I'm just going to repeat the same cycle of situations and nothing will ever get better.

There is definitely an area I need to work on -- like unplanned conversation. If I don't prepare myself I stumble over my words, or come across as a total flake.  Like the other day when I was in the cafeteria grabbing a drink a little bit before I was leaving when this guy comes up to me and starts talking and asking questions….I just stand there blank faced like an idiot trying to think of something to say (I'm new, where I work, comment on his clothing, or his hair --he had really nice hair--lol..). Then finally he says  "So, you're here after 5? You must be busy today.." and the only thing that manages to slide off my tongue is "Yeah. I'm getting a drink."  I felt so stupid. Lol. And today during a conference call I was asked to introduce myself a bit….yeah…that went terribly. Oh well.

This is why I've also written out an entire phone script as well for when I'm doing the interviews on the phone. I don't necessarily read it word for word, but I use it more as a guideline for when I get stuck. A  part of it is anxiety in feeling judged (there is a reason for this sadly…) I know where my it comes from so once I can figure out how to move it completely out, it'll be all good. I'm about 90% there.

 In the meantime As long as I have time to prepare I'm good…put me on the spot..it's all over. I've learned to accept it, and laugh about it but I can't carry a script with me all the time.  I just want to get to the point where conversations aren't so awkward and I don't need a script to appear "normal". Lol. I'm getting there!

That's all I've got. :-) Enjoy your weekend!

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Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Wednesday Ramblings


Hello! I haven't forgotten my blog! I'm just trying to get into a schedule now. I love my job.  It's TOTALLY different than what I was coming from. And I mean that in a positive way. It's a bit overwhelming because it's new but I am very excited. I'm just taking it all in. 

So? You want to know what I am doing? Well, without getting fancy about it, I am working out of a centralized recruiting office for a major corporation, doing phone screenings trying to fill positions in any of their many hundreds of store locations throughout the country. It's a bit nerve-wracking being on the phone all the time and having everyone listen to me. It's funny, because I used to (well…still do slightly..) have such phone anxiety. I'm getting passed that, realizing that the people on the other end are no different than me. Sears helped me in a lot of way break out of my shell and not be so anxious phone and face to face. This job I'm sure will teach me something too. I have no doubts about that. Nervous, but very excited to see what this new chapter has in store for me.

So, last weekend, my oldest sister and I drove down to Maryland to visit my mom and two brothers. My sister that lives out in California flew out too…the trip was actually her idea. It was such a great time seeing everyone. And we were without children so we had such a blast. I have never laughed so hard in my life. The weekend consisted of dirty jokes and so much laughter. We all got a good ab workout. Here are a couple pictures from the trip.


Knowing my brothers wife doesn't have many friends where my brother is currently working my sister thought it would be a great idea to throw a baby shower for her. It was just a small thing but it was a lot of fun and she appreciated it.


This picture is of the 5 of us together. Us three girls are jealous of our baby brother (with the long hair) because us 3 girls have thin lifeless hair but not him, he has thick, gorgeous wavy hair. Why does it always work out like that?

We got home Sunday night around six. And it was off to work the next morning….then my car broke as I was dropping Jake off at school. I thought it was the transmission because I heard a big clunk, what sounded as if I was driving over gravel, then it just stopped. I shut the car off then turned it back on, put it into drive, heard a really annoying screeching, stepped on the gas, and I didn't move. I seriously cried & and said a few choice words to myself  -- It was my 3rd day on this job. Ugh. I felt like such an idiot calling up my boss. The last thing I want to be is "that person". I don't call in for anything. When I was pregnant with my son I worked up until the night I gave birth. My boss thought I was nuts and kept asking if I was okay. lol. They've sent me home a few times for being sick and looking close to death... I'm even thinking about paying for before school care because I feel like I'm rushing to get to work for my scheduled time…I'm usually on time (except today…hit traffic because I forgot my purse at home & had to turn back..) and I'm one of those 'get there a 1/2 hour early type of people.'  Now I am rambling…but my car is fixed now. Turns out the front axle snapped..thankfully it wasn't the transmission.  I *tried* not to stress out about it….



Some days I wake up and want to pinch myself because my life is so good right now. When my car broke down yesterday, I quickly cleared out any negative thoughts and had faith that things would work out as they are supposed to. And they did.  The dealership was more than accommodating, a kind stranger offered me coffee and shelter from the cold and just talked with me while I waited for a tow - so good can happen and that is where I am right now.  After 10 years of mostly crud…with a few good moments sprinkled here and there, I am really happy where I am right now. I'm still learning and growing, but hitting rock bottom  was probably the best thing that ever happened to me. Is that weird? Lol.

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Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Just Some Ramblings & a peek of what I'm working on


So my first day is over.  I was a bit quieter/shy than I expected to be but the environment is so different than from what I am coming from so it was a lot to take in. I was excited to be there, but I was completely overwhelmed and  needed to just listen and take it all in. Now that I know what to expect, Today will be a better day.

 I'm not really going to talk too much about my job yet. I'll do that when I get more in to it and am more confident a.k.a actually knowing what the hell I am doing. lol.. And I am sure I will create a scrapbook page or two about it -- You know me I scrapbook everything, so I'll let you know in due time! The biggest things I have to get used to are the environment - it's so different (in a good way) and the fact that I am trusted and thought of as competent enough to make a choice.

Where I am coming from, choices weren't yours. Even though I had access to certain systems I was always questioned as to what my motives were and why I was accessing them, not only me, but everyone else that didn't have the title "manager"….Um…to find You people? This is my job, right? There was a lot of fear and a lot of micromanaging. Not even that, there were just a lot of different things.


I could sit here and tell you stories but most of them are so off the wall they are unbelievable. You kind of had to work there to understand. Most people didn't last long, because it was just so weird.  Most people thought I was crazy for staying there for as long as I did but I take it in stride. I have learned so much both work wise and personally. I think if I can work there, I can work anywhere.  I've also met a lot of great people who have certainly impacted my life on some kind of level. I wouldn't change it for anything.

 I don't have much to share today other than a few ramblings but here is a peek at the album I am working on.



I hope you all have a great Wednesday!

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